Perplexed

The oddest thing happened this morning. As I was walking down Rideau street to catch the #2 bus on my way to school, a rather cute young bloke accosted me. Our too short conversation went as followed.
Him : « Hi, do you have a quarter?»
Me : « Um, no. I dont carry cash.»
Him : «Do you have a cigarette?»
Me : «Oh, no I don’t smoke.»
Him : «Oh well then, do you have a boyfriend? (All the while staring at my breasts)
Me : Yes! »

And that was it. I walked away from a perfectly good oppurtunity of ge tting laid. I don’t know why I did it. I guess I just got scared. But how is this logic? I have been dying to get some ever since I broke up with Ismael. I even tried going to a bar last Satuday, but I just chickened out! Its not like me. I mean, my birthday is next week. I will be turning 18. FINALLY! But I just know that at the rate I’ve been going, I’ll spend it alone in my tiny little appartement.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Could it have something to do with my dear little blossom? My sweet, sensual, little flower? Why are you tormenting me? I have never been in a situation such as this before. To be quite frank, I don’t have the slightest idea on how to deal with this. I don’t even believe in romantic love. I mean sure, it’s a nice concept, and it helps sell self-help books to overweight middle-aged women, and true, it makes them dish 10 bucks to see two hours of concentrated crap, but really, it’s a lot of bullshit.

But lately I’ve been reasoning a little differently. I actually envision spending my life with this person, even maybe someday getting married. This is really unlike me.

Hmmm..will ponder this issue more thoroughly tomorrow.